Sunday, March 13, 2011

grow up.

I am tired of seeing my generation blame their current status on things the church "did" to them years ago. Yup, the church, filled with flawed humans, will hurt us. They are not, however, responsible for how we allow our pain to be dealt with. Do we own the hurt and allow it to make its home in our heart, or do we give it to Jesus? It's time to stop blame shifting, people.
 My generation is so "touchy". Can I say that without being scolded? We are. We are a group of people who refuse to be offended or challenged. We don't want to be seen as "normal" or enter into anything that our parents may have been apart of. We try and rid ourselves of a Christianity and lifestyle that looks anything like what we grew up with. We need to be able to drink, smoke, hang with "the wrong crowd", cuss, and whatever else you may think of. We have wrapped ourselves in the lie that "grace will take care of it." Or even worse, that we aren't called to live to a higher standard because we aren't under "that legalistic" mindset of the church. 
We love to point the finger. "He did it." "She did it" "That pastor didn't spend enough time grooming me." "My parents MADE me go to church, and now I just can't ever step foot in one again without feeling their control." "Our church was just so legalistic!" "I was so sheltered!" The list goes on, and we could come up with a million things that have happened in our lives that have wronged us and pained our hearts. 
But church, I'm done. I'm over it. I'm over my complaints, and quite frankly, I am over yours too.
I am an extremely soft hearted person. I want you to understand it does not take much to make me cry or hurt my feelings. I am not saying that pain will not happen, or that we should not feel. I am not saying that you cannot experience an injustice that will change a decision or your present course. There are certainly moments in life that allow us to see where we escaped a dangerous fate or relationship. So please! Hear me when I say I still want to be a helping hand, a shoulder to cry on, an ear to listen, a hand to help, a heart to pray. I am saying that our RESPONSE to wrongful actions is OUR responsibility, and we alone carry the weight of how we allow a pain to affect us long term. I fully understand it can take time to work through an issue, but are we working through it?
What I do not want to do. What I am tired of hearing about is the complaints long after a situation has come and gone. I'm talking YEARS! I still see people I grew up with, years older than me, living in the pain they experienced as young teenagers and allowing it to dictate how they walk out life with Jesus now. It used to make me sad, now I'm just angry... and I think it's a good anger.
The church is a group of flawed human beings who all come together in hopes that they can meet Jesus together. The church is within you, the church is around you, but the church, until Jesus returns, is made up of FLESH. Do you understand this? 
I can't tell you how sick it makes me to think about the mass amounts of adults my age who have almost altogether given up on attending a church UNLESS it has a certain "hipster" quality to it. Am I right, or am I right? The church works if the worship isn't too long, too intense, there isn't any spontaneous singing, and the sermon is kept under 45min where they talk about things that don't challenge me too much. Let's not engage in anything too "out there." No prophecy or gifts of the spirit. Let's not rock the boat or cause a scene that would make people stare. We don't want OUR Christianity to be noticed...which is not Biblical. Or did I misunderstand the scripture where God says "let your light so shine before men THAT THEY MAY SEE your good works, and glorify your God who is in heaven." Matt. 5:16
And if they aren't finding what they want from a church, they are creating it within their own lives. We suddenly don't find worth in actually attending a church, because we are above the system. We can't learn anything, can't grow, and we certainly aren't going to "put God in a box". And you know what? To some degree I completely agree. We don't need a church building to find Jesus. He is in us and always speaking and teaching. The same God who moved and breathed in King David, Solomon, and Paul is the same God who wants to move in us in the same ways. God isn't a system. So I agree with you there, but I am tired of the stubborn mentality that attending a church body is no longer needed, or that a person is almost "less than" if they do attend church. GROW UP. When you begin to deny a church body with that mentality you are actually doing the very thing you left the church for in the first place. 
And if I may quickly mention, politics is quickly becoming a new church or religion for many of my generation. I am watching as we live for our political views instead of Christs. It's sad and extremely frustrating to watch as so many of my friends are putting their faith in one political view or another. I see my generation spending more time pushing their political agenda with force instead of asking God about His plans. It's becoming a god, an idol, a worship, a way of life. There is only One Way, One Truth, and One life, and He does not deal in political systems. I strongly suggest you lay that at His feet.
How about this idea that being a fully "sold out" Christian is no longer cool!? It's the kind of crap that makes my blood boil. No, you don't have to wear "what would Jesus do" bracelets, or sing along to "Jesus Freak". But you know what, I am SICK of watching the adults my age have a lazy disconnected faith. I have been made fun of, in the past year even, for never being drunk, smoking, or doing drugs... by other Christians. That somehow actually having some standards made me less of a person because I didn't experience enough of "the world" so I can't properly connect with people who don't know Jesus. 
I used to live with 3 girls who didn't know the Lord. They all drank, eventually starting smoking pot, and as I was moving out one started doing crack. I can say that I had an amazing relationship with each one of those girls. Not because I joined them in their bad habits, but because I asked the Lord to teach me how to love them in the midst of their pain. The last thing I wanted to do was leave a bad taste in their mouth about Jesus. But I didn't enter in, I didn't cave. I did hold them when they were sick from drinking too much, tell them I loved them, laughed with them, lived life with them in every other way. But when those activities took place, I went to my room or left the house. I never left out of anger. I always left making sure they knew I loved them. In turn, they came to me and processed their faith. They asked for advice. They cried with me, and trusted me. I am giving this as an example to say, you DO NOT have to personally experience "the world" to be able to connect with it. Jesus was perfect and yet manged to hang out with the "sinners and tax collectors" and was respected for it.
I have had to deal with feeling rejected because of living life with what some would consider "higher standards". I have even been called a prude by others who love Jesus. When did we start judging people for making good choices? Or I guess I should ask, WHY? I can't tell you how frustrating it is to see my age group walking around partying, cussing, smoking, drinking too much and somehow saying it is all covered under grace. I am tired of watching as people "believe" in God, but would NEVER want anyone to know they were a Christian because "Christians get such a bad wrap these days." GUESS WHAT!? There are a lot of Christians that are truly messed up and living in deception and if you don't get up off your butt and do something about it NOTHING will happen. If you are so in shame by your own "people" then DO SOMETHING about it. Pretending to NOT be in love with Jesus does nothing but sadden the heart of the God who is wildly in love with you, and desperately waiting for you to feel the same about Him. But as you deaden your heart so as not to create a scene you deaden your relationship with Him. Jesus was not a well liked man in His time. What is this idea that we need to be liked by those who don't agree? Be loving, be Christlike, be Jesus to those around you, but I can promise you that trying to fit Christianity to make it "cooler" or less obvious is nothing short of sickening. You are not being cool, you are living in deception. The enemy has found a way to keep you from moving forward without entering in to any "real" sin, because it's not the obvious kind.
Let's stop the mindset that we have to "experience it" to make Christians seems cooler. LOVE people. LOVE is what it's all about. The common thread is that everyone wants to be loved and accepted right where they are at, whether drunk or priest. Let's make that our mode of common ground with those that don't know Jesus, instead of using sloppy grace to get by.
Rise up church! Rise up 20 something's and 30 something's! GROW UP! Quit blaming where you are at 30 from something that happened when you were 19. You are not 19 anymore, and wherever you were hurt there was/is redemption waiting for you in Jesus. You have full access to His gifts everyday. You have full freedom from the day He said "It is finished." NO MORE EXCUSES! He is a God far above this world, far above our circumstance, far above the stupid things people may do or say. Give Him some credit! Stop hiding in the shadows. Stop blame shifting. STOP DENYING YOUR FAITH IN JESUS BECAUSE YOU DON'T WANT TO BE SEEN AS "UNCOOL". 
It's time to get comfortable with being uncomfortable. It's time to GROW the heck UP! Live at a higher standard. Demand more of yourself in Jesus. Dig deep, and don't be afraid. I promise you, I PROMISE YOU, HE WILL MEET YOU! Denying Him FULL access to your spirit only means you have denied yourself full access to your destiny. You want freedom? set others free. You want forward movement in your life? Stop living in the past. Believe that God is who He says He is, who He has been saying He is for years and years and years. 
Get over yourself kids, and I mean kids. Get over yourself. There is no one greater than He who sits on the throne and it is time to get out of His chair, people. GET OUT OF HIS CHAIR. No matter how much you want to be in control, you aren't. No matter how much you want to make it all work for your lifestyle, it doesn't. Get over yourself. Adopt the mindset of Jesus, and be humbled. 
Greater is He that is in me, than He that is in the world. Greater is HE. GREATER IS HE. There is none like you Lord! May we stop trying to expect Your perfection from those around us. May we stop assuming we are better than You. There is none greater! You are worthy! You are worthy! You ALONE are worthy!

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Waiting on my destiny... oops...

On Sunday our Jr. High pastor got up to do some simple announcements. The guy is about 3 years younger than me and can easily run circles around me when it comes to authority in the Spirit. I have great respect for him. I can't remember how he got on the topic, but he mentioned a question he tends to ask people when they ask him for a prophetic word. When someone asks for him to speak something "life changing" over them he asks them "What did you do with the last prophetic word someone gave you?" 
I sat on that for a few minutes. I tried to remember the last prophetic words I have been given over the past two years. A lot of them had to do with meeting Clay and being in the very place I am in. Two, however, dealt with my future and were pretty loaded words. I am not going to share what was spoken over me, but I will just say they put major pieces of the puzzle together for me and I have been eagerly waiting for them to pass ever since.
I was sitting in that chair thinking about those words when it hit me. What have I done with the life spoken over me? I've waited. And waited. And waited. I have been waiting and wondering and asking "Lord, when will it be my turn. When is it my time?" I have not however been sowing. I haven't sowed into my destiny. I haven't studied the word like I should or dug in in ways I KNOW would benefit my future.
Everyone wants to be "somebody", and if they don't they are most likely bound by fear or apathy. Most people want to feel like when they reach the end of their lives they have made a difference. My heart is beating in line with the rest of the world. I want to help where I can. I want to have impact where I am supposed to have impact. I want to invest where it is needed. And I want to reach my Father knowing I listened and obeyed.
So now I am sitting in bed realizing that there are a few things I could be doing better. No, I may not be actively moving in the ways spoken over me. I don't even have doors currently open that I simply am not walking through. There is no clear path that is in front of me that I am ignoring. But that doesn't mean it's not coming.
While I may not be "fulfilling my calling" in its fullness, I know that day is coming. I know there will be a day where the Lord says "It's time." The REAL question is, will I be ready? I will have had all this time before a journey begins, and what will I have done with it? Did I prepare myself? No matter how long the wait, did I equip myself so that I was the best I could possibly be? Right now, the answer is pretty dim.
I am not saying that I don't think I am a good person, or a smart person. I don't think I am doing a horrible job in my relationship with Jesus. I don't feel like I am failing my husband or daughter. But am I investing in the yet to come?
I was given two very powerful words of life, that confirmed many already spoken as I have grown up, and the things I felt the Lord speaking to me on my own. I believe certain things will come to pass that I will have the opportunity to be apart of. Now I am asking myself, what am I doing to prepare? He has given me His promise and I have just been doing life as usual waiting for it to drop in my lap. I have not been pursuing Him like I should be, for what could be. That is sad to me. 
Does this make sense? Is this clear enough?
Some of us want to be Drs, teachers, and spouses... are you equipping yourself as best you can for the job you want? Or are you waiting until it is time and just going to "wing" it?
Not too long ago one of my mentors burned a $100 bill right in front of me. Just pulled it out of his pocket and burned it on my kitchen table as Clay as I watched with wide frantic eyes. He was talking to us of the importance of waking and everyday giving our best to Jesus. Each day has purpose and value, and when it passes... it passes. 
I don't want to look back at days, months, or years of individual days and see that they all look like ash. I want to be able to count them and know that I understood their value, and treated them with care.
Father, would you instill in me the discipline to dig deeper. Would you turn my eyes towards you. Would you help me in my weakness, and help me to give you each day as if it were my last. I want to be ready for my future long before it arrives. I want to be walking in the destiny of relationship with You, and let everything else simply be the overflow. Would you help me, Father? Would you help me to shake off the dust and not just sit around waiting for YOU to do something. I don't want to be another clanging cymbal. Help me, Father.

Sunday, March 6, 2011


I want more. I want to be filled up. I want to pour out. I will to fulfill where I am to fulfill. 
I just want more. I want to be one of those people known for the love of God that pours out of me. But I don't want to just say it and act it out. I want to be so filled with the Spirit of God, so consumed with His affection for me, that is has no other place to go than outward and deep into the hearts of the people around me. Not one person should be counted out of being completely and fully loved. I want eyes to see "the one" who would otherwise be left alone.
Lord, give me eyes to see and speak where You so desire to minister. May my eyes be ever fixed on you, my heart be filled completely with your love, that Your Spirit pours out of me into those around me. I don't want fake affection. I don't want to love through the attitude of "It's the right thing to do." I want love to be natural. I want forgiveness to be second nature. I want my spirit fixed on you daily that I may walk out what you have in store for me.
Im ready Father. I am eager to learn and to obey. I am ready to become the woman you made me to be. To step into my inheritance as your daughter, and discover what great mystery you created me for. With arms wide open I ask you to change my heart, and cause me to be that which you created me to be. I just want you to interrupt my plans and cause my life to be adventure with you. Im ready for adventure with the Father.

Sunday, February 27, 2011


Just because you want to date someone, doesn't mean you SHOULD

And just because you get great advice from those you love and trust about the people you choose to date, doesn't mean you ever actually listen to them... does it? Nope, our strong willed self affirming minds get in the the way of wisdom, and we find ways to make everyone else wrong.

I've been thinking about a few of the things I wished I had actually paid attention to when I was going through the dating process. I don't really expect anyone to care about my opinions towards dating, but it's on my mind so that is what you get!

1. Before you even enter into a serious relationship (I'm not so much talking about going on a date to get to know somebody. I mean a serious relationship.), I would suggest having your relationship with the Lord on solid ground. Be on a journey, already, of knowing who you are in Christ and living from that truth.
I have heard it a million times that being with a person will "help me in my walk with God." but quite frankly, unless you are already rockin' it out alone with God your growth WITH another person will most likely be hindered. Some people may argue that point, but I choose to disagree for the most part. When you enter into a relationship with someone your focus becomes very narrow, very fast. You see less of the real world around you, and more of that bright sparkly person in front of you. If you don't already have a solid foundation with the Lord you may very easily loose what footing you have. You also don't want someone else being the reason your relationship with Jesus is suddenly doing so well. Influence by someones example is great, but in the end your relationship with Christ is yours alone. If someone else was the only reason you spent time with the Lord you are setting yourself up for a downward spiral at the first fight or long trip apart. I am NOT saying you cannot grow spiritually with a partner. I am married, and I experience personal growth because my husband teaches me things without even meaning to. But no matter my husbands walk with God, my walk is my own. My husband is not accountable to God for me at the end of my life, it's just me and the Father.

So make time to grow in relationship first with God, and understand that all joy comes from Him. And allow the romantic relationship He gives you to be an added bonus.

2. I would say next thing... make sure you are on the same "playing field" spiritually. I could get a lot of crap for saying that, but it's true. Simply believing the same basic thing does not mean you speak the same language. For me personally, I was in a relationship where we both loved Jesus but we never quite were on the same page. I struggled with being able to have conversation about important things on my heart. Some things are easy to work through and are a simple matter of  understanding another persons upbringing, and then some things are the result of the other persons personal relationship with Jesus. This one is a little hard for me to fully explain right now. I just can say that I know from experience that saying you believe the same basic truths does not mean you believe the deeper ones. Know the heart of the person you are with and pay attention to whether or not your spiritual truths line up or if you are simply ignoring the stuff that doesn't.

If the person you are interested in doesn't believe in God, don't go there. Do not assume that just because you want to be with that person your spiritual lives will not get mixed up in your relationship. Who you are with will influence your personal relationship with Jesus, one way or the other. You have to be honest with yourself and ask yourself what you want out of your relationship with Christ, and if it's to go deeper into Him you need to ask yourself if that can really happen while dating someone who doesn't even believe in Him.

3. If it's simply not working, no matter how hard you try, quit trying to make something out of nothing. Ask yourself "Self, why are you trying so hard to make such a complicated thing work?" Is it because you are convinced you love that person, and they love you? If fighting, jealousy, control, manipulation, and bitterness are all things you experience on a regular basis... you need to remind yourself of what true love looks like.  If you believe 1 Cor. 13 to be correct on love than you know that love is patient, and it's kind. I don't mean to say that you don't have bumps in the road (some large and some small), but the "big kid" thing to do is ask yourself if you are making it work because you simply can't stand the thought of being alone. A bigger question yet, "Have I allowed myself to enter into a co-dependent relationship?" If you are currently in a relationship that sees more downs that it does ups, I would challenge you to ask yourself "Why am I here?" And answer honestly.

4. Is this relationship good for the other person? There are a lot of questions to ask yourself when entering into a serious relationship with a person, but one I have just recently started to ask people around me when they are facing a dating question is this: "Is this situation beneficial for your partner, as well as for you?" I think it's a really healthy thing to look outward and see if our partner is as filled as we are. I don't mean are we treating them as they should be treated, I mean do they seem as thrilled about the over all relationship as we do? In those moments of "this is really hard" ask yourself am I keeping them here out of guilt? "Are they trying to leave, but I am not letting them?" Just like we don't want to be the ones manipulated and controlled we have to check ourselves and make sure we are not doing the same to the person in relationship with us.

5. Nobody can tell you who to be with. Yep, it's that simple. No matter what age, no parent, friend, or teacher can really tell you not to feel something for someone, or not to date them. That is allllll up to you. You are 100% responsible for YOU. Every decision you make leaves YOU with the end result sitting in nobody's lap but your own. We can make excuses all day long for why it's ok to be in a relationship with someone in the moment, but can you give me a good excuse for the crop you will harvest later on? Let's get real... anyone reading this is reading it because they know me. If you know me you know I have been through a divorce. I am at least 50% responsible for my divorce. I know that I got married when people around me were unsure I was making the right choice. I got married when I had some reservation in my heart, but since I couldn't pin point it I ignored it. Two years later I was reaping what I sowed. No, maybe I didn't cause all the issues in the midst of my marriage, but I certainly had a hand in the end result. "Big kid decisions result in big kid consequences... we are not 12 anymore dealing with a simple crush."

We don't like to listen to people tell us not to have things that we want. We don't like our parents and closest friends to say that they don't think the person we brought home is right. We want everyone to see all our decisions and life choices as good. Why? Because it validates us as adults. We don't want to be wrong, and we want to prove that not only are we independent, but we are independent AND smart about it. But we aren't always, and that is OK. If you would normally trust your parents and close friends opinions about life matters then, TRUST ME, humble yourself and at least consider what they are saying. Instead of getting upset and making so much noise you can't hear what they are saying... get alone and ask yourself the tough questions. That is what really makes you an adult anyway... when you can get real with YOU and deny yourself instant gratification for something that will last much longer and be much sweeter. 

I've done it the hard way, and I've done it God's way.... His way it 100% easier.

Thursday, February 24, 2011

Hello 2011

I have to get better at actually blogging, huh?

"Can a women forget her nursing child, and not have compassion on the son of her womb? Surely they may forget, Yet I will not forget you. SEE, I have inscribed you on the palms of My hands; your walls are continually before Me." Is. 49:15-16

"Nevertheless My loving kindness I will not utterly take from him, Nor allow My faithfulness to fail. My covenant I will not break. Nor alter the word that has gone out of My lips. Once I have sworn by My holiness I will not lie to David" Psalm 89:33-35

I love the intention of my Father's heart towards me. That He is continually pursuing me, and gently walking me through change. I love that though He is intentionally gentle in His approach of my heart, He is also intentionally intense about His faithfulness to me. He has inscribed me onto the palms of His very hands, and sworn His promises to me BY HIS HOLINESS. There isn't a human on earth that could try to compare to a promise like that, let alone try to match the holiness of our perfect Friend.

God cannot lie, and therefore I must choose: To live in the fear that even in the intensity of His wild love He will fail me.OR that He is who He says He is, and He will do what He said He would do.

I desire my life to be a passionate holy pursuit of Jesus. I am ready to be swept up into the great overwhelming world that is His affectionate purpose for me. I can't do that without letting go. God is the only one who can make a covenant and not break it. No marriage, no friendship, no business can create a contract that, through our frail human frames, we cannot break. But God, the Creator, has sworn it by His holiness and by His blood. How gracious a God that although we can never live up to His friendship, He binds Himself to us, through thick and thin.

May I embrace the gift of His passion towards me.